Lessons in Dying

Planning cremations services is something that we can do before our loved ones die. Doing this before they die lessens the burdens that we will have to carry when they die. However, as we go through the dying process with our loved ones, we can learn many things that we can apply now and after they are gone.

One lesson we can learn in dying is that people need time to process serious medical diagnoses. Not only does this apply to us when we find out that a loved one has a health condition that will likely end in death, but it also applies to our loved one.

Getting bad news about health is never easy. For our loved one with the diagnoses, their first response may be discouragement and depression. In this frame of mind, they may say they don’t want any kind of treatment even if there are options available.

The lesson is to give them time to process their new reality and don’t push them to do anything. Each person must make their own decisions about their health and whether they want available treatments or not. Time brings acceptance and acceptance may bring a different decision than our loved one had when they got the initial diagnosis.

Another lesson we can learn in dying is choose medical professionals carefully. Whether it’s a primary care provider, a specialist, or hospice care, compassion, gentleness, and adherence to our loved one’s wishes are the most important things to look for.

Medical professionals are just like the rest of us. Some of them are prickly, brusque and overbearing, while others are kind, gentle, and easy-going. Some of them will be so focused on what they think is right for our loved one that they will not pay attention to what our loved one wants or needs. Others will listen to our loved ones and they will follow their lead in dealing with the serious diagnoses.

It may surprise us to find that hospice care agencies have temperaments too. Much of that depends on the philosophy and the leadership of the agency. Some hospice care agencies have a warm and supportive temperament that is evident in most of their staff (there may be one or two staff members that don’t fit the mold, but you can avoid those, if need be), while others have a cold and clinical temperament that offers medical care, but little else.

Find the medical professionals that will give your loved one and your family a sense of comfort, understanding, and genuine care and concern. Don’t be afraid to fire any person or agency that doesn’t provide this.

It can be difficult to remember that our loved one is the same person they were before they received their serious medical diagnosis, but they are. If our loved one, for example, was a heavy drinker and is suffering from advanced liver disease, they will still want to drink alcohol.

While that might baffle us because we know that alcohol is what caused the disease and it would seem logical to quit drinking if there’s any hope of the liver healing itself. But your loved one who is addicted to alcohol hasn’t suddenly become a different person since their diagnosis.

Sometimes we just have to make peace with their decisions and make sure it doesn’t get in the way of the time we have left with them.

For information about the cremations services we offer, you can depend on our compassionate and experienced team at Hopler & Eschbach Funeral Home to help you. You can visit our funeral home at 483 Chenango St., Binghamton, NY 13901, or you can call us today at (607) 722-4023.